In a post shared on the U.K.-based online forum, user NorthernMum86 said: “I want to relocate myself and my daughter [who attends preschool in the area] after splitting up with my ex.”
According to the user, the former couple currently has “a rough 60/40 split but the move would mean that’s not practical anymore, given he has her on 2 week nights a week plus a weekend split.”
The mom said: “I want to move to be with a new partner, but he lives 5 hours away. So the current arrangement would need to change to something like school holidays & weekends but he [her ex-partner] is pushing back against this. What chances of this passing in court do I have?”
A study of 19,162 U.S. children conducted for the MacArthur Foundation—a private foundation based in Illinois that supports various nonprofits worldwide—found that “residential moves during early and middle childhood have long-term effects on social-emotional outcomes, suggesting that stability is particularly important early in life.”
A study of children in the U.K. that was published in July 2017 in the peer-reviewed journal Health & Place found that “moving is associated with poorer subsequent mental health.”
The study also noted that “children and adolescents are particularly vulnerable to [the] deleterious mental health effects of moving.” These effects were believed to “operate through a number of pathways,” such as “weakened social ties, disturbance to social networks, ‘social stress’, household disruption, social isolation and reductions in parent-child interactions.”
Mediation Vs. Court Order
According to the U.K. government’s website, you typically need to attend a meeting about mediation before you can apply for a court order on child arrangements. “You must show you’ve attended a meeting to see if mediation is right for you before applying to a court,” the government says.
The mediation can help you discuss the details of how you’ll look after your children, such as where they’ll live and when they’ll spend time with each parent. The country’s Ministry of Justice has launched a voucher scheme, which can provide a contribution of up to £500 (around $600) toward the mediation costs for eligible cases.
Louisa Whitney, a family mediator at the LKW Family Mediation legal services company based in England, told Newsweek: “If the mom wanted to pursue this through the court then she is looking at it taking up to 18 months to resolve and go through all the stages—and potentially longer due to court delays—which may put a strain on the new relationship in the meantime.
“She would also have to convince a judge that it is in their daughter’s best interests to move even though she will see less of dad, which won’t be straightforward,” Whitney said.
The U.K.’s Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service would meet with both parents and the daughter to prepare a report about what would be right for their daughter in this situation, according to Whitney. It takes around 21 weeks for that report to be prepared.
An alternative option would be to “sit down with Dad in a process like family mediation and talk about the situation and understand each other’s points of view and try to find a resolution that works for both of them,” she said.
“This would be an awful lot quicker and probably less stressful. They are also more likely to create a solution that works for them, rather than one a judge imposes upon them,” Whitney added.
Derek Jacques, a divorce and family law attorney based in Michigan, said: “The laws on this in the U.K. are very different than those in many of the U.S. states. If the parent is the custodial parent, they have no obligation to seek permission from the noncustodial parent in order to relocate within the country. However, the noncustodial parent has the right to petition the court to stop the move.”
Jacques also said that if the noncustodial parent petitions to block the move, it can’t take place until the court has heard the case and issues a ruling.
“This is why I advise all of my clients to be open and honest in communications with their ex-spouse, as it can be a much smoother situation if you keep the other parent in the loop. For this particular situation, I would ask for consent of the ex and also attempt to get it to be legally binding, in writing, in case they decide to rescind their decision later,” the attorney said.
‘Put Your Kids Before Your Boyfriend’
Several users on Mumsnet criticized the mother in the post, accusing her of being “so selfish.”
User passport123 said: “Put your kids before your boyfriend,” while user medicatedgift asked: “How new is this partner? Why are his kids being put before yours by you?”
In a later post, the mother said her new partner is “a widow” and “can’t really take his kids out of school.”
Sotired22 said: “Taking your child 5 hours from their father is so selfish. Put your child before your desire for a new relationship. How well do you even know this new boyfriend if you live 5 hours apart?… Also you’d be condemning your poor child to a life of being carted 5 hours every few weeks.”
Quitelikeit said: “It’s a big mistake to move hundreds of miles away from your family, your child’s father and support network. You don’t know this guy very well and moving in with him and his children will be very destabilising for his kids considering their mother has passed.”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.
